Speaking is Not the Only Part of Communication.
Remaining Silent is Also a Way of Speaking.
We tend to assume that communication starts only when words are uttered out loud. Maybe this is because it is easier to analyze words. We remember them, repeat them, quote them, and question them. With silence, all of this becomes impossible. Yet at times, silence communicates more accurately than words.
There are silences that provide comfort, and there are silences that punish. There are silences that come from being understood, where two people are no longer in need of an explanation for anything. Then there are those silences that follow the feeling of disappointment, when a person has told the same story too many times to say it out loud again.
Not every quiet person has nothing to say. Sometimes silence is what remains after language has exhausted its usefulness.
We often need words because uncertainty puts us at unease. We would like our partners to clarify why there is distance, define their emotions, explain their absence, and put the change that has taken place into words we can understand. But not all changes take place in loud declarations. There are some changes that happen in silence.
This is why listening requires more than hearing.
You have to listen for words that are missing in a person’s vocabulary.
What queries don’t they make anymore?
What tales do they cease narrating to you?
Communication isn’t just about what is said in a conversation. Sometimes its truest essence comes from what is missing in it.
Silence, however, is not always something to glorify. Sometimes it is wisdom, and sometimes it is fear.
The difficult task is learning to distinguish between silence that protects your dignity and silence that imprisons your truth.
At times, there is nothing more eloquent than silence. To walk out without even attempting to defend oneself is a statement. To refuse participation in cruelty is a statement. To sit next to a person in pain and not attempt to fix it is a statement.
Words communicate intention. Silence often reveals a condition.
Perhaps this is why the people who understand us best are not just the ones who hear what we say. The people who understand us best are the ones who see that we have stopped saying certain things.
Because sometimes the loudest thing a person will ever tell you is the sentence they finally decide not to say.