Liberation Begins When Your Identity No Longer
Depends On Universal Approval
An unseen prison awaits. No iron bars, no locked gates, nothing guarding it can be seen.
However, millions live their whole life within it. The prison is built from expectations that are placed upon you by your family, your society, your peers, your friends, and later by the distant voices of strangers that you have perhaps encountered or perhaps never met.
Being liked may seem like a good thing. It appears as if it is kind of a humble thing. But hidden under that sweet cover is a tiring negotiation during which authenticity is traded for acceptance.
All decisions are based on expectations. All opinions are toned down in order not to cause discomfort. All hopes are channeled through the expectation of others’ judgment.
A life like this slowly erodes individuality.
Each person experiences the world with a different set of beliefs, experiences, insecurities, and desires. Getting every mirror to say the same thing is like asking each mirror to reflect the same image when set at various angles. The contradiction guarantees disappointment.
The first step towards freedom is realizing this – rejection is the inevitable companion of authenticity.
Anyone who chooses a path outside the mainstream, expresses an unpopular opinion, or sets healthy boundaries is sure to face criticism. This is not always a sign of failure. It is a very common indicator of independence.
It takes courage to have this point of view, as it challenges an entrenched illusion. Approval should not be a form of payment for self-worth. Outward rewards vary depending on factors out of one’s reach.
Not trusting one’s own judgment does not mean that the person is being arrogant or that they are showing a lack of care for others. It shows a mature understanding that all decisions, significant or otherwise, have ramifications that go beyond applause.
The value of conviction is that it transcends disagreement.
Oddly, when you stop seeking approval, you begin to foster relationships that are stronger. Fewer people will be attracted to authenticity, but those who are will come face-to-face with a person, not a performance.
Acceptance is superficial; respect is deeper.
Thus, to be disliked is less a matter of confrontation than a matter of truth. It is the silent revolt against the loss of conscience for the sake of society at large. When all conversations are not an audition and all decisions are not for unanimous applause, life becomes remarkably lighter.
Acceptance offered by the world is temporary. Self-acceptance has a much more enduring quality. It is in that distinction that lies one of the rarest freedoms of life.