“We are the Architects of our Own Happiness and Sorrow.” – B.K. Shivani (Motivational Speaker & Thinker)
Human beings tend to spend an unusual amount of energy trying to understand the behavior of others. We often ask ourselves an endless stream of questions –
“Why would a person behave in such a manner?
How could they think the way they do?
What makes their perspective so different from ours?”
But what lies hidden behind these questions is the subtle illusion of believing that only when we understand the nature of another human being will we find peace.
The truth is that peace is not found through understanding, but through acceptance.
Every individual has his or her own distinct set of sanskars, which are impressions created in a person’s life through experiences and the unseen forces of life. These patterns are always working in the background and influence the way an individual thinks, acts, and behaves.
Since these patterns are not visible to the naked eye, we tend to believe that other people should react to life in the same manner as we do.
But the truth is –
A sanskar that does not exist within us cannot be fully comprehended by us.
Think of a simple example. You are talking to someone, sharing your thoughts or a story, and suddenly they walk away in the middle of the conversation. Our mind will immediately start racing with stories –
“They have disrespected me.
They were not interested.
I obviously do not matter.”
But these stories are never a reflection of what actually happened. They are a reflection of what happened within us.
What has actually happened? Someone walked away.
The rest of it – the insult, the rejection, the pain – has been created by our mind’s interpretation of what happened.
The human mind has the ability to take one sentence and turn it into a whole emotional experience. If someone makes a casual remark that breakfast is not as good as their mother’s cooking, the mind begins to construct an entire experience of pain around it – “My effort is not appreciated. I am never enough. They do not value me.”
But if we look properly, we’ll be able to see that the disturbance was not caused merely by the words. It was created by the silent engine of thought that followed.
This is where awareness becomes transformative.
As we start to observe our thoughts without automatically accepting them, something magical happens. We understand that our suffering is not always brought to us by others. It is often created within our own minds.
Acceptance, therefore, is not merely resignation. It is a profoundly wise form of understanding. It recognizes that people act from their own sanskars, just as we act from ours. Their actions are part of their own internal world. Our reactions are part of ours.
The moment we grasp this difference, our relationships shift. Our minds cease to struggle with reality. They stop demanding that others act in accordance with our expectations.
And in that silent corner where judgment once resided, a new peace begins to manifest.
After all, if we are the actual designers of our own happiness and unhappiness, then the most important structure we can ever design is the landscape of our own mind.